Pigs in Space

einsteinsgirl:

nighthawks:

Now that I have been out of school for about a month, I feel like I can properly reflect:

• I may be out of school, but it sure doesn’t feel like it yet. I make decisions based entirely on the idea of “this summer”. For example, “oh, we should really plan a road trip to Montreal before the end of August!”. I operate entirely under the presumption that, come September, I will be returning back to school. I’m not, and that feels entirely foreign to me. I understand this is completely normal, but I definitely have to realize that sooner rather than later.
• When school ended, I found that I was constantly immersing myself with other people. This is a sharp contrast from the school year, when I would easily go a week without seeing anyone aside from at school and work. Now I can honestly say that, in the last month, there has probably only been 3 or 4 nights where I have not gone out. This is problematic for a handful of reasons, but mainly the dent it is causing in my bank account and because I am skipping out on responsibilities (ie. my research assistant job). However, I think it is indicative of a larger problem. Whenever I decide to spend a night in, I start feeling anxious and sad and find myself reaching for the telephone. It is not company I crave, but rather the need to not be alone with my thoughts. I have a lot of personal stuff I need to figure right now, and I feel like I am continuously trying to avoid it so I never have to face it head on.
• Related to the above point, I feel like I am having a quarter-life crisis. I define myself largely around whatever I am doing at the time, and now that I am out of school and work, I feel like I lost apart of my identity. This has taken a giant blow to my self-confidence. Coupled with the self-consciousness I have been feeling around my stupid crush, I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster of self-deprecation.
• I really need to start looking for a job. However, despite having two degrees, I find myself unable to look for a job in my field. I was walking by a cute tea shop downtown and thinking, “wow, I would love to work there” but I could not justify a reason I should apply there. It is customer-oriented, probably pays very little, and my degree is in social work. However, the idea of working in a cute little tea shop thrills me more than applying for government/not-for-profit jobs right now. I am struggling with trying to find a happy medium.

I have spent the last (nearly) 10 years of my life working in the field that my education was in.  I stay with it because while I like it alright, it pays well.  If I didn’t have a mortgage and two small kids, I would give it up in a heartbeat to take a job I think I might love.

K, you are young and have lots of life ahead of you.  Deal with your personal issues while doing a job you think you are going to love.  Becaue take it from someone who has been there, trying to deal with them while working a job you kind of like, is much more difficult.

I have also just graduated with a MSW. I like the job I have but I feel a little lost not planning for school this fall. I have not changed my thought process or focus. I am grown up now and need to act that way but I say fuck it. I want to be a kid at heart!